row, row, row yar boat

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.

I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.

The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ".

Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)

*Strijk*

Geweldig

Guys, your adventures made my day Thanks for sharing!

Just SUDO to fix!

It's a literary massterpiece!

Brilliant. Had tears in my eyes from laughter and I’m gonna read it the second time when I’m at home after having a dinner of sprouts and ice-cream!

thx for sharing, not gonna try it myself

Get Sudo Cream (local store) or Lidocaine cream against hemorrhoids from the doc.

[Reactie gewijzigd op donderdag 10 januari 2013 16:43]

@Jeoh: nice story but not quite original, just a copy - paste.

http://www.amazon.com/Vee...roduct-reviews/B000KKNQBK

Some people just have too much time on their hands

Wow, that story (and jeoh's too) made my day Haven't read something as funny in weeks Brilliantly written. I hardly lough out loud behind my computer, but this one did.

I could see this being a great part in a comedy show not for all ages though

[Reactie gewijzigd op donderdag 10 januari 2013 16:55]

Brilliant

Hahahahaha echt lang niet zo hard gelachen, had ik even nodig

Dus iets wat wij mannen nooit moeten doen xd

Jammer dat het kut en pasta is. Wanneer je iets "citeert" moet je niet het hele stuk knippen en plakken en vervolgens ook nog eens naar je bron linken. Link dan meteen naar je bron en zet er een kleine inleiding bij op je blog.

sypie schreef op donderdag 10 januari 2013 @ 19:41:
Jammer dat het kut en pasta is. Wanneer je iets "citeert" moet je niet het hele stuk knippen en plakken en vervolgens ook nog eens naar je bron linken. Link dan meteen naar je bron en zet er een kleine inleiding bij op je blog.

Mee-eens maar dan nog blijft het een goed stukje

al lang niet meer zo dicht gelegen als nu. Geniaal geschreven.

Brilliant!

Haha :''-)
Schitterend

GoT: Scheer NOOIT je ZAK !!

Haha geniaal!

Geweldig!

Maar ik vraag me dan wel af hoe vrouwen er mee kunnen leven...?

Tyrian schreef op dinsdag 15 januari 2013 @ 11:05:
GoT: Scheer NOOIT je ZAK !!

Kanniet/magniet inde Tweaker HuisKamer ...

[Reactie gewijzigd op dinsdag 15 januari 2013 21:09]

-RetroX- schreef op donderdag 10 januari 2013 @ 16:41:
Just SUDO to fix!

Superuser Do Fix!
SUDO SU!

Tipisch geval van 'Tonkelbonen' !!! hahaha.. laggu (zo noem je deze 'aandoening' bij dieren)

Na m'n best te hebben gedaan om niet te lachen (want dan heb ik m'n collega's weer wat uit te leggen) moest ik zeggen dat ik me hiet 100% in kan vinden. Doe het niet ...
Bij mij was het zweet/poepmeuk gehalte niet zo extreem, maar verdomme ... die stoppeltjes ... Tot bloedend aarschvleesch aan toe ...

Eens, maar nooit ... NOOIT meer

Lang geleden dat ik nog eens echt gelolled heb :-D
Zalig!!!

Ha, goed dit te hebben gelezen. Ik heb nog wel eens domme ideeën, maar dit zal me niet gebeuren.

Vraag me wel af hoe vrouwen hier dan mee omgaan. Voor zo ver ik weet hebben die geen/nauwelijks haar daar, maar heb nog nooit een dame betrapt op vieze poepgeur zoals in het verhaal staat .

doet me denken aan deze: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/333345372.html